Received. [spoof or sting] . . . . . w o r r i e d
Thu, 2 Jun 2016 at 8:20 a.m.
The first June meeting will be held on the first of June, the first.
Minutes: Of the last meeting.
“Cull de Mare”
OK Good Idea!
Agenda: Item 22, Delete Item 21- Agreed unanimously or unani(kleinefieldmausly) as you would.
Is there a wait for Meals on Wheels?
No not only is there no weight, but also no taste, no colour, no nutrition and no hope of any for 15 years and lets hope no right of renewal!
Postulate: In a letter received Tuesday last, a Miz Dr, Prof. Mc El Hone suggested that the main reason for de sea level rise is now steam.
Steam is gumming up the atmosphere and so the cold weather we have been receiving lately is now unable to get away causing bloody cold weather now described as “Global Cooling”.
Dr Professor Earl, Count and Pons Hagfish, the owner of a large number of scenic hotels in de districk and manager of a number in serious question in de Pacific has written and questions the Comite’ thus: My business is suffering, all of my marketing and advertising has been geared towards the concept of Dunedin and the Peninsula as the new Sunny Gold Coast. Sunny because of the “Global Warming” mantra and Gold coast because the expected sea level rise would take the shoreline to Clyde, the Shotover river and Bendigo abandoned goldfields!
Now your Comite’ is debunking the sea level rise as a giant furphy and that the climate is actually so cold as to suggest “Global Cooling” I am now forced to market Dunedin, as in the past, a place where refrigerators are not required, a meat safe will do!
This is a huge capital saving for Scenery hotels, as we do not have to place a minibar in each room and if we leave out the window glass the meat never defrosts! Wines are cold and at room temperature of -20 degrees, no ice machine is necessary.
There are some problems however.
Patrons are found frozen stiff in the hallway and in the foyer. Ice skates are necessary for trips to the car park. Chains are necessary on delivery trucks and cabs to and from the airport. The planes have skis and the pilots wear balaclavas.
In order to improve this I have a very important and well considered plan to eliminate “global cooling”.
M’sieur Rollande de Gurgelars, VC and Public bar, International medaille D’ore, Croix de G.U.R and house bar stands with open hands and speaks.
M’sieur de Hag-fish, your commente’ is much desired, your wisdom and more importantly your desire for a quid are legionarre’s disease throughout Aotearoa.
Please sally forth and unburden yourself.
Hag-Fish replies, Le Comte, Sally was the fifth, not the fourth, but not to worry, I will commence from the finish.
We the Secenery Circle propose that a law be imposed, firstly on all households in the greater Dunedin area including Kate Wilson’s fiefdom and Cr Noone’s rurality, Cr. Hall’s trucks and Mayor Cull’s uncleaned mudtanks, to ban, eradicate, censure, drop off the perch and if necessary obliterate and immolate all items which could be roughly described as Kettles.
Kettles will include any item capable of boiling water to steam, whether working operational or not! This includes but is not limited to Railway Steam Engines, Pots, Pans, Kettles, Hot Water cylinders, Zips, Teesmade, Coffee machines, Lawrence Yule and headmasters.
Oui, they are always letting off steam, particularly the dean of Kings High.
In this way, we believe that the absence of steam will enable the cold air around Dunedin, Christchurch, Wellington and Auckland to escape and we can get back to comfortable “Global Warming” and Dunedin can be the Riviera of the southern hemisphere again, just like it was in February. Our marketing campaign featuring bikini clad sealions, brown skinned natives, (cabbage) Palm trees, Coconuts etc. will again be relevant and we can turn on the air conditioning at Forsyth Banned to ensure noone dies of heatstroke!
Is Cr. Noone dying of heatstroke?
No not now, that is the problem we are trying to rectify!
Le Comte, rises, thanks Earl Hag-Fish and whispers into his Iphone to Craig’s Investment partners ….
Sell Briscoes! Sell Coffee Club, Sell Starbucks.
Pam Demonia reigns.
The Curtain comes down.
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Posted by Elizabeth Kerr
Election Year —this post is offered in the public interest.
█ In a spot . . . . .