Sea level rise at Dunedin, ‘la saga de kaimoana continue’ fr.


Sun, 5 Jun 2016 at 10:01 a.m.

Weekly meeting of the Comite’ for the evaluation of sea level rises (and falls) on Otago Harbour.

Le Comte Baron von Gurgelars VC and chocolate bar (Cadburys of course), Croix de G.U.R, Medaille d’or

Jacqueline de prayer

Ms X

Apologies “Cull de Mare” – Reasons later.

Le Comte stands and speaks resonantly-
The subject for discourse today is (drum roll)  ……. Sand

Ms X leaps to her feet, bubbling, Sand, Sand, oui are supposed to be contemplating sea level rise, greenhouse gases, less car parks, cycleways, sustainable seaweed collecting on and on she blubs.

Non, sayeth le Comte, it is low tide and so we are discussing Sand. The sea level is obviously low and if we are very lucky and the discourse and tears do not take long to dry we will harvest le Coquille.

More importantly, Sand has had a huge influence on matters of the DCC this week including the theft of 152+ cars, the stuffing up of the South Dunedin cycleways, the inability of the managers to monitor the mud tanks cleaning and the failure of the Portobello pumping station.

Ms X, not daunted cries, but sand had nothing to do with that!

Oh yes it did says Le Comte.

And I will demonstrate.

He grasps a small bucket and strides purposefully out to the seagrass at the waters edge. Ms X what do you see?

Ms X- I see a lot of healthy seagrass.

Le Comte- “Do you not see the designer of the cycleways?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the designer and purchaser of le traffic lights and left turn lights?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the managers of the many receivers of the 152+ cars?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the manager of the Water and Sewage departments?”
Ms X- non

Le Comte says well have a look at this- He scrapes the sand away and there appears a cockle (coquille). See he says, the head in the Sand!

All of these represent many of the DCC employees, heads in the sand. Coming up every day for sustenance and when the questions are asked by Crab(by) Bev, they slide beneath the sand again.

But says Ms X, I do not see “Cull de Mayor” there.

No says Le Comte, that is him running along the beach, feathers billowing, as a very stressed large Ostrich scoots along the foreshore!


Related Post and Comments:
18.5.16 Measuring sea level at Dunedin #DUD

Posted by Elizabeth Kerr

Election Year. This post is offered in the public interest.


Filed under Business, Climate change, DCC, Democracy, Dunedin, Economics, Education, Events, Finance, Infrastructure, Leading edge, Name, People, Pet projects, Politics, Project management, Property, Public interest, Resource management, Site, South Dunedin, Tourism, Town planning, What stadium

6 responses to “Sea level rise at Dunedin, ‘la saga de kaimoana continue’ fr.

  1. ab

    Jacqui, how the hell are you? No cello playing sur la plage, mind.

  2. Elizabeth

    Tue, 7 June 2016


    From the office of “Cull de Mayor”

    Ooyez, Ooyez, Ooyez, it is hereby declared that a Special Queen’s Birthday meeting of the Comite for the determination of sea level rise- and fall of the Otago Harbour will be held at High Tide at Otakou on Monday June 6.

    Attendez- The Right Hon, “Cull de Mayor” in chains – Chairman, ex-officio boss on every account.

    A ccount – Le Comte Rollande de Gurglelars, VC and Cadburys, Croix de G.U.R, medaille d’honeur etc.

    Mr. Doctor de Spin, Manager of all things spinning, obfuscation, duck diving, prevarication P.Hd (Milton Hilton),

    Mr X

    Jackie at prey

    Agenda- To discuss a new form of currency.

    “Cull de Mayor” stands and states, I wish du to carry me to the very edge of the high tide in my glorious chains and vestments and seated on my peacock throne!

    Le Comte asks civilly ” And why do you wish to set up at the high tide mark?

    I have on many occasions suggested, stated, yelled and explained that all of South Dunedin is doomed because of climate change leading to Sea Level rise which is unfortunately inundating South Dunedin as we speak.

    Le Comte: “And your plan is to sit at the high tide mark and wait for the sea to rise past your throne? Indeed a cunning plan and when it happens proof positive of your ramblings”

    “Cull de Mayor” answers “zachary”

    So Le Comte, Spin doctor, Ms X and Jackie carry “Cull de Mayor” to the waters edge.

    Le Comte asks: And do you see yourself as a Cnut? The king of Denmark and England whose courtiers suggested he could stop the tides?”

    Non says “Cull de Mayor”, more like Jesus in that we shall observe the inevitable sealevel rise and I shall part the waves and will not get wet. Only South Dunedin will be inundated.

    Le Comte says- “But you are already Wet!”

    Tea and Chocolate biscuits provided by Cadburys

    Agenda item 2.

    The Ducat.

    To discuss a new form of currency that the DCC will use in the future.

    Cull hands over the baton to Dr. Spin.

    Spin says, we propose that the new currency of the DCC will be the Ducat!

    Le Comte asks “and what will be the exchange rate to the NZD.”

    Dr le Spin answers, Oh we cannot tell you that. That would spoil the secret.

    However, when we show the monies borrowed the number will magically drop by 1000th, so that the debt will appear a paltry sum of only D800,000, rather than the back breaking $800,000,000 which we effectively owe now.

    And what will that do for the ratepayer? Well bugger all, but you understand that when the bank buys foreign currency that the buy rate is lower than the sell rate?

    Yes says Le Comte.

    Then you will understand that the buy rate is 100 nzd to the ducat and that when we repay the South Dunedin people for causing the 2015 floods by poor management and maintenance we will be paying in duckits.

    Le Comte says “Duckits”

    Yes says “Cull de Mayor” any payment to the SD ratepayer will be in duckits.

    So you masquerading as a Cnut, will pay the South Dunedin ratepayers at a currency rate 1/10th of the value of their rateable value to confuse them and further that you plan to Duckit?

    “Cull de Mayor, says Oui mon ami and have a look at the tide mark! The sea level is actually going down, the sea is further out! So we can safely Duckit as the floods have gone and the Insurance company has paid us, as the causeur of the floods and has not paid a ducat to the people of South Dunedin, because I have arranged for them to Duckit.

    So from now on its duckits?

    No, its always been duckits- stadium debt- duckit, theft of 152+ cars, car conversion- duckit, botched cycleways- duckit, Delta land purchase disaster and possible fraud- duckit, Trade Me hits- Duckit, Mudtank clearing contract- a Duckit duet with Fulton Hogan playing Ms Duckit. And in fact they did Duckit by sending the truck capable of cleaning mud tanks to completely duckit here and ideally double dip there.

    Le Comte, says, this meeting is closed, the sea level is falling, the duckits are in use and the Mayor is practising not to be a Duck-it but to be an Ostrich.
    Oh there he is practising over there, ass up and head in the sand.

  3. alanbec

    fish.govt? Fishgarde is a town in Wales. It has a TV station with no money. The weather presenter sings the intro: ‘Da dit da dit’, to represent electronica. Fishguard, Wales.

  4. Gurglars

    Fish Garde?

  5. Hype O'Thermia


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