Return DCC to sense #nextoctober #fortheveryfirsttime

Received from Douglas Field
Tue, 15 Dec 2015 at 7:24 a.m.

An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Billy looks at the young man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The yuppie then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany …..

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to Billy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, you’ll be helpin’ yourself to one of me calves, then, since you won it fair an’ square,” says Billy.

He watches the smartly dressed yuppie select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man gingerly picks it up and stuffs it into the boot of his car.

As the yuppie is carefully brushing the dust and fibres off his suit, Billy says, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what work you do and where you come from, will you give me back my calf?”

The yuppie thinks about it for a second, wondering what this wrinkled-up dirt encrusted uneducated old man could possibly know? He grins and then says, “Okay, old fella, why not? I’m a believer in fair play.”

“You’re a politician and you work in Canberra,” says the old timer.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but, tell me how on earth did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered Billy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.”


shaun-the-sheep []

Posted by Elizabeth Kerr

*Image: – Shaun the Sheep, colouring


Filed under Business, DCC, Dunedin, Economics, People, Politics, Project management, Property, SFO

14 responses to “Return DCC to sense #nextoctober #fortheveryfirsttime

  1. Elizabeth

    Another ripper from Douglas Field.
    Received Tue, 15 Dec 2015 at 8:58 a.m.

    Douglas says, I hope this amuses you as much as it does me. I especially guffawed at James Delingpole’s last two lines – here.

    So all that remains for us to do over the next few weeks and months is to torment the greenies for their total idiocy, for their ludicrous wrongness and for their spectacular failure.

    It’’s going to be a tough job. But someone’’s going to have to do it. I’’ve decided, selflessly, that one of those people is going to have to be me.


    ### ODT Online Tue, 15 Dec 2015
    Editorial: Firm foundations or hot air?
    OPINION From the hugs, handshakes, huge applause and standing ovation at the conclusion of the United Nations Climate Change Conference near Paris, onlookers could be forgiven for thinking world leaders and delegates had already saved the planet. […] But does the agreement lay the first much-needed firm foundations or does it amount to a lot of hot air?
    Read more

  2. Gurglars

    Note Canberra, for those who do not know is mainly populated by politicians and public servants.

  3. photonz

    DCC take note of the story above.

    You can spend millions on cycleways, measuring sea level rise, trying to cut down on parking etc to lower car use, and a million other things to try to combat climate change.

    But it’s not going to unblock the drains.

    • Hype O'Thermia

      Drains? What drains? We see no drains.

      Anyway we saved money for the ratepayers by contracting out the clearing of mudtanks, etc, at a competitive price through the totally transparent, don’t talk about kickbacks, tendering process, didn’t we?

      What kickbacks? We know of no kickbacks.

      Councillor, GET OUT!!! SHADDUP, GO AWAY, I can’t hear you, lalalalalalala……

  4. Calvin Oaten

    Sorry to disillusion you all folks, but Dave Cull has the answer in today’s ODT Opinion Page on the South Dunedin’s sea rise problem. Read it and weep, not because it’s so bloody stupid but that he is our “Worship the Mayor”.

  5. From the Ira Goldstein campaign: ‘Herd of cows’. Yes I have! Heard of chickens?’

  6. Simon

    Douglas. As Billy’s story was based in Aussie, where they are not quite as PC as our DCC. Can you tell me. Was Billy’s dog a bitch a female or a dog?

  7. Gurglars

    I think the ratepayers are continuously getting a bum steer.

  8. Gurglars

    A Nobel Laureate from Norway discusses the move for governments to try to stop climate change. It takes 30 minutes to listen to, after it you will have to determine whether you believe a Nobel Laureate and his graphic denouncement of the climate change zealots or you believe Dave Cull and Jinty MacTavish.

    In the video he declares that “climate change” is a religion.
    He demonstrates that average temperatures have risen .8 of one degree in over 100 years (and we are better off for it), however he demonstrates that with total coverage of the northern hemisphere with temperature guages and only 8 in Antarctica, the concept of increasing global average temperatures is a nonsense. He also says that climate change scientists fiddle with the data and demonstrates how. He does credit Al Gore with discovering the myth in conjunction with Facory (sic) and having the means to benefit and finally that the expense of attempting futilely to stop climate change would be far better spent on people. Obama says that climate change is the greatest problem facing the human race, the Nobel Laureate says that America having killed millions over the last twenty years, Obama may have missed something to really face up to.

    Worth a look if you don’t want to become a lemming.

  9. Gurglars

    Hey and if you want to have a laugh whilst they’re robbing you ( the climate changers I mean) watch this ripper of a George Carlin

    If you’re stuck for an afternoon or evening’s entertainment after this google George Carlin. He’s very on to it and will shortly be banned by nanny state.

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